Today

Today I realized that maybe my weight is my teacher, and I respect what my teacher is trying to show me.

Code entries:

1. Laughing hysterically with two male co-workers yesterday. I realized I would laugh like that with them whether I was 250 pounds or 125 pounds.

2. There is another guy in the store I am like oil and vinegar with. That would also be the same whether I weighed 250 or 125. However, I do think he would be nicer if I were thinner. Or not. Maybe we'll find out.

3. Another guy likes talking with me, and this would be the same at any weight as well. However, he feels like a needy guy, so I envision him as wanting us to date and not understanding why I wouldn't.

4. I do not have any girlfriends right now that I call up to talk with. I am internalizing all this or blogging about it. It feels more right to do it this way - or rather, more directed. If I just blab about it to all of them, I don't feel like I make movement on it. I just spin the same wheels. Not speaking of it causes action; for the energy of what is going on must be released somehow.

5. I ate some cookies last night before meeting with my manager for a part time job I've started. I was really silly and funny during the meeting - and I realized, the cookies put me in a bit of a sugar high. In essence, I had had a drink before our meeting. I felt so guilty leaving that night. I felt it was another step toward my own cookie sobriety.

The last thing: today is the day the rainbow connection line was drawn in the sand. That will make more sense as we go along.

Thank you for listening. Until next time.