End of week one, Start of Week Two

I feel confident that I will be able to complete this fast. My energy is good, my skin is noticibly better every day. I am seeing actual results, which is helping me stay motivated.

As I look to this week ahead, I am wondering how I am going to break it, because my cravings for the very foods that got me into this predicament are strong.

I mentioned in earlier posts how I've done a little game of pretending to eat the foods I'm craving. It's working in the respect that I don't feel like I'm denying myself the want - I'm denying the actual eating of the food, but not the desire to eat it. I've noticed a definite trend in the foods I'm craving: I keep craving anything that combines tomatoe sauce, cheese, and a crust or pasta.

I want spaghetti with marinara sauce, parmesan cheese, and a lot of salt. I want a Lou Malnati's Cheese and Tomatoe Pizza, deep dish, with a lot of salt. I'd like some ravioli with vodka sauce. I want tortilini in tomatoe sauce. All topped with a (not-so) healthy dousing of salt.

It's the texture of the spaghetti noodles melting in my mouth that I miss. The squish of the ravioli sweetly releasing the cheese inside. The little bit of resistance that tortilini gives before it lets you into its cheesy center. The gooey on the inside yet crispy on the outside crust of the pizza. All all of them accompanied by the sweet acid of the tomatoe sauce.

I used to love brownies, ice cream, cookies, chocolate candy bars of all kinds, too - but what I would kill someone right now for is a simple plate of spaghetti. This is the last food that I thought would be first on my list.

Overall, I'm overcoming these cravings because I know that after seven days, I can go back to solid food. I mean, I have to start with some vegetable soups before I can work back up to foods with yeasts or sugars. But I have not said that I can never eat these foods again.

The reality is that the clearing of my skin, my peelable fingers, the infection on my left foot, the infection in my nose - all of which have cleared up and are almost gone at this point - are forms of internal overgrowth of yeast, or Candida. From a medical stand point, this is not diagnosed as such. I am told I need to lose weight, but no mention of clearing myself of the things causting these problems. It has become clear that my love of sugary, yeasty, white-floured foods is not beneficial to my health. I am in full agreement with the concept that no food is that bad for you if eaten in moderation. However, what defines moderation?

Yesterday I realized this: If I am eating a diet primarily of fruits and vegetables, as any dietician will advise us is best for the function of our bodies and organs, then no, treating myself to the occasional pizza or pasta won't be problematic. BUT THIS IS BASED UPON THE PREMISE THAT I AM EATING A DIET THAT PRIMARILY CONSISTS OF HEALTHFUL FOODS.

I don't currently do that. What's more fun to eat - a salad, or some deep dish pizza? A juice drink, or a big plate of pasta?

I've touched on the experiment I've been doing with my body - seeing how I feel feeding myself everything from all health food to all junk food. The results are indesputable - my body has much more energy from eating an orange over a donut. Water is more effective in energizing me than coffee. I don't crash from oranges or water. I do with donuts and coffee.

And here's the rub - what do I love more - my health? Or pasta primavera?

I think this next week will be even more intersting. Will the cravings subside? Will I come out of this week no longer dreaming of eating and ready to commit to a lifestlye of raw pizza and spirulinied veggie pasta with sauce? We will find out.

Speaking of dreams, last night I dreamt that I was in a convenience shop. There were donuts, fresh, beautiful glazed donuts sparkling in the bakery case. There was a box of a dozen, tantalizingly waiting to be purchased. In the dream, I was buying something else, not food related - like it was a gas station and I was paying for gas, and saw the donuts out of the corner of my eye. I grabbed them, and ate half of one before going, Shit! I ruined the fast! And over some crappy convenience store donut? This is not what I wanted to break my fast with!

Again, I woke up relieved that my indescrestion was not part of my reality.

Check in with you tomorrow. Thanks for listening.