Tired But Energetic????

Made it through another 24 hours.

I'm taking this fast one 24-hour-period at a time. I would, however, like to make it to the 10-14 day mark. I'd even like to go longer, just to test my own limits. However, I feel like my body told me when it wanted to start fasting, and I also feel like it will tell me when its done. So, I will report as long as it honestly goes.

I feel like I slipped into this fast. By the second day of just drinking water I said to myself, hm, maybe I should just run with this. When I said that, the day Thursday popped into my head. So, after I got past the three day mark, I said, yeah, OK, maybe I need to make it till Thursday. I've got only the next 24 hours to go and I will have accomplished that mental goal. So, maybe I'll get through this next day and report back - Thanks everybody for listening, but this fast is OVER!

However, as I read about how others have accomplished 14 and 21 day fasts, and even longer, I think - well, let's see what we can do. I'm feeling really good so I'd like to keep it rolling as long as possible.

In fact, I'm feeling so good that yesterday I was beginning to worry how I would ever eat food again. Right now, at this point, the thought of eating food does nothing for me. Let me assure you, this is COMPLETELY opposite of how I felt before.

I went to the grocery store last night to get more water. The store entrance opens directly into the produce section. I've avoided being around food alone so far, but I've been without it for a while, too. Although I was afraid I would be tempted to eat, I really wasn't. I was, however, excited to see all these great things I could eat after my fast was complete. Natural soups. Apple slices, maybe dehydrated a touch and cinnamon put on them. Healthy apple or berry pies. Pesto sauce on spiroolinied yellow squash. Just a good old hunk of watermelon. There was so much to be had! (See that right there? That's the good mood caused by this way of living. Irritating, isn't it? I'll get into that a little bit further down) Point is, I felt reassured me that I would once again join the land of the eating after my fast is through.

In a related story, my birthday is Sunday. I have been stressing about this. I had been planning on going out to eat at this restaurant that serves what I consider to be the BEST Eggplant Parmesean on the planet. Crunchy crust, gooey middle ... it's super good. Again, I wasn't planning on starting this fast until after the holidays. But I would feel crappy if I stopped now just for one meal. I know Thanksgiving is coming up, but I think I can get through that just fine - more on that closer to Thanksgiving. I don't think I'll still be fasting at Christmas, but who knows.

So, my birthday - I had told one of my friends that I wanted to go to this restaurant. He said sounds good.

Last night, I talked with him and told him that while I want to go there, I started this water fast and I don't want to stop it just for that meal. I was expecting him to be like, "WHAT?! YOU'RE NOT INGESTING ANYTHING BUT WATER? WHAT? STOP! YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!"

To my shock and surprise, he sounded relieved. "That's great," he said. "If you think it's working, I think you should run with your fast. We can go eat there after your fast is through."

After I did a mental brpbrpbrp, I was instantly relieved. I now have that to look forward to, and it made me feel valid and understood. Like, he trusts that I know what I'm doing. I haven't felt that from others.

I haven't shared that I am on a water fast with my other friends yet. Partly because I haven't seen them, but partly because I haven't felt sure they'd support it. But, maybe I should, and I'd be surprised with them, too.

I facebooked them last night and told them I was thinking Karaoke. I didn't say that I don't want to do dinner - it just occured to me that I need to qualify that. I mean, we can go out to dinner. I just don't want to eat. I don't know how to do that without them telling me I need to knock it off and not be silly, we need to EAT! It's your BIRTHDAY after all! We'll see how that goes.

What I do know is that I don't want to break the fast at least until my nail fungus situation clears up. It's getting visibly better each day. Also, I don't think I touched on this as part of my physical status yesterday, but I had little ... I'm not sure what they were, I had my doctor look at them and she just told me to use some prescription antifungal cream on them. She didn't say if it was a yeast infection or not, I asked her but she said she wasn't sure and left it at that. But that's the consistency of what was there. There were little yeast camps in the front corner of each nostril in my nose, which would get red and painful on occasion -

Wati. I need to clarify something else here - for the last three years, I have been experiementing with the effects food and exercise has on my mood. So, I started exercising. I felt better. I went raw. I felt better. Almost too good - more on that later. I quit raw. Went back on raw. Went all junk. My experience: What we eat greatly effects our mood. But to get back to this doctor's visit part of the tale, I had been on a junkfood experiement at that point in time. So my body was, adn most likely is, pretty full of gunk. It seemed obvious to me based on what I had been putting into me that it would be a yeast overgrowth. The doctor didn't seem interested in exploring it as much as I was. Here' s some anti-fungal cream. Next patient!

I tried to clear those little camps away with the anti-fungal medication she prescribed. They just came back. I hadn't stopped eating junk food. The infection in my nose held strong. It was almost like the yeast was the stronger of the two armies, and when the anti-fungal medication tried to attack, the yeast had a few of it's soldiers put up the appearance of being captured and caught, and then came right back as soon as the anti-fungal medication left.

Long story still long: The prescription medication couldn't cure it. This water fast is. My nose no longer hurts. I'm not breaking out with pussy postules of puss. It's getting cleaner in there.

The last 24 hours I have experienced an interesting juxtapostion in energy. Mentally, I was on it. I was taking calls, following up, and getting things done. When I would feel a little tweaked, I would go in the bathroom and close my eyes for ten minutes. I did this maybe twice. And then I was ready to go again.

Physically, I felt tired and weak. I'm not gonna lie. Yesterday I was glad to be able to be primarily in my chair all day long. I did have to do a little lifting, I was able to do it just fine without being all, Oh! I'm SO exhAUSTED! But I was glad that it wasn't much. The information I've read on fasting said that it's about this stage of the game that you need to slow down physically. It's apparently true.

Another effect of cleaning out the insides is being unabashadly happy. And I gotta tell you, I got to this point on two previous detoxes (not water fasts, nutritionally aided detox programs), and each time this unending happiness was what made me stop. Sounds crazy, but its hard to believe that just the food I'm putting into me affects my mental mood that much. But I'm telling you, it does. At least on me - I'm not about to say what it would do to you, but for me, I'M JUST PLAIN HAPPY. To the point of I'm almost afraid it's annoying.

Examples: Things at work that used to piss me off don't anymore. People came to me to bitch about something, and I was like, Oh, that's too bad, but I didn't bitch with them. I was giggly and playful yesterday in a way that I have not been except after I eat three candy bars or a large coffee. It took me comparing the mental high I get on with sugar and coffee with the mental high of being on all natural foods. They're very similar feelings. The sugar and coffee high ends in a crash. The natural food just keeps steady.

It has also taken those previous experiences of being in a good mood to realize how much bonding I think takes place over bitching. We bitch about The Job. The Boss. The Company. The Family. The Things Our Friends or Spouses Do That Piss Us Off. We bitch a lot. Maybe you don't - I didn't think I did, but man, seeing that part of relating to others fade away was really disturbing for me the first couple times I experienced it.

What I found yesterday is that I now know that we're all just trying to relate. So, while I didn't feel like bitching, I wasn't all Polyanna and "Turn that frown upside down, Mister Sad Pants!" I just let them bitch. We're all trying to connect the best way we know how to.

I've got a few more physical changes to report on, and then this post is done for the day:

- In yesterday's post I was worried that my intestines are no longer doing anything. I'm going on three days with no poo. Yesterday I got excited - I felt my intestines rumble a little, and that old familiar feelilng came back, and I said, Yes! I'm going to poop today! Went up to the bathroom, and as the old saying goes, Here I sit all broken hearted/Came to shit and only farted. But, at least there was some action going on down there.
-I talked about the nails and other yeast clearing out. Oh, since we're in potty talk, this is TMI I know, but my urine is now very watery. Before, I would often have a white mucus come out with the urine. Must have been yeast overgrowth, because I don't have that now. I've never had a yeast infection, per se. But I must have had yeast. It's strange, my urine doesn't have the same meat to it that it used to and I almost missed it. Gross, I know. But it's what I was used to my entire life. Even if what you know is bad or painful, it's what you know and there's safety in that.
- And just to finish off the gassy potty talk: I realized that they chest pains I was feeling the day before are burps trying to get out. I think I'm gulping down air with my water. Have to figure out how to drink differently.
-The weight: I'm an official ten pounds down. I don't feel excited about this as I thought I would. I have a lot of weight to lose, and while it's a great jump start, in some respects it's a drop in the bucket. I also know that eating solid food will cause some of that to come back. We'll see on that, too.
- The most working out I did yesterday was walking down the 20 flights of stairs from my apartment to the ground level. I did not want to do anything else yesterday at all.
- My tongue is coated white like they say it will be during a fast. I don't think I have bad breath. I haven't gotten any offers for gum, so I take that as I'm good.
- I feel juicy inside. Juicy and vibrant like a peach or a raspberry, just bursting with ... juice. It feels nice. Not all dried out and tired like before.
-My face is taking a while to clear up. A couple tiny tiny blemishes have formed, I take those to be the last clearing out of what's in me. The other blemishes I had are taking their time to heal, much to my chagrin. Overall, though, my skin feels and looks much clearer and brighter.
-Oh. I didn't mention this before. I have had a case of athletes foot on my left foot for months. That also would not clear up with the doctor prescribed anti-fungal. It is not gone, but I can tell it's healing itself.

I think my body is pretty busy actually, trying to clean up all the damage I have done to it over the years. I've got years of drinking, cigaretters, pot, pizza ... it all adds up. I know this one fast ain't gonna fix it. But my overall trajectory is health, so it's a step.

Final note: I agreed to go shopping today with a co-worker. I think I was afraid to stay home; that I'd eat something if left alone. I don't want to go. I just want to sleep. I will go, though, because I am also working on this thing I've heard of called honoring your committments. I think I should be fine. I'm bringing plenty of water, so it shouldn't be a problem.

Thanks for listening, all none of you out there listening! Talk with you tomorrow.