Day One of Forty Complete

I have just completed one 24-hour period on the fast.

Yesterday, I meant to blog quick about more fear about embarking on this undertaking. I meant to cry and whine and flail and scream about going without food for 40 days.

Truth is, once I decided I was doing it, I was doing it. No going back. No doubts.

I did really want food yesterday. I made myself some tea. I think tea is going to be my salvation for this fast; it feels like I'm eating soup. It's warm in my tummy, there are spices and flavors. So, I think I'm going to allow that out. If I need to drink tea, I will.

Overall, the day went fine. There was one major irritation for me:

I decided I was going to go to Catholic Lenten services as well. Since I'm doing this for health as well as spiritual/scientic research, I thought observing the Catholic Lenten season in this way would be healing. For one, if I get through this, this will heal all those past Lents of my childhood where I would say what I'm giving up for Lent, try for maybe a week, tire of it, and forget about it.

The other, and this is what got me during the mass last night, is that I truly believe Jesus' actions were meant to be just as guiding to us as his words. So, his fasting for 40 days ... well, I think we should be able to do that. I think he did what he did to show us that if he could do it, we could too. Well, except for that whole getting nailed on a cross thing - but other than that, I think Jesus was giving us tips and ideas the whole way.

On a personal level, I grew up with older siblings, and with well-meaning friends and family members who would react to things I'd share with them with a "Well, you can't do that." or a "No. Not Possible." So therefore I couldn't try. Or so I used to think.

Last night in the Ash Wednesday services - which, for those of you who aren't Catholic, Ash Wednesday kicks off the entire Lenten Season, which ... maybe we'll leave that explanation to our friends at Wikipedia - the priest was talking about fasting.

My main problem with the church is it's hypocracy. So this priest is talking about fasting, and how noble it is, and how it helps you relate to the starving children of the world. And it made me so fucking angry. I wanted to stand up and shout to the priest, "Um, have you fasted? Are you fasting now?" Cuz if he has fasted or if he is fasting, he could maybe relate that to his congregation members. You know - maybe admit that this morning he woke up and REALLY wanted to go get a Dunkacino and egg and cheese croissant sandwich, but chose not to - didn't "sacrifice" as much as "made a decision" - because he realized that he could just have one again in 39 days. And 39 days is not that long a time, it's six weeks we've gone much longer without things like vacations and time off for ourselves and the like. So I wish he would have personalized it, related a struggle he was experiencing, so we as the congregation members would feel like we are in the experience together, not being told what to do.

The beautiful thing that I got out of the service was that he related hearing some radio djs talking about what they were going to "give up" for Lent. The priest said, "And I just wanted to shout at them, 'It's not about giving up! It's about baptism and making room for new life! Everybody thinks it about giving things up that they love. It's about taking some time to pause, analyze, and reflect on where we are in our lives. It's about taking time to slow down."

I thought that was quite lovely, and I felt it fit where I am in my life's journey very well.

This morning I woke up and noted how good I felt just from 24 hours without food. The layer under my skin felt ... happy. My body felt lighter. I have a massive headache, withdrawl from the sugar and caffeine I'd been happily eating every day up until this point. But I know that that will clear within a day or so. I feel glad I am doing this for my body, for clearing some room for spirit to be able to play. If anyone is reading this out there, I wouldn't mind posts about your own spiritual awakening, or links to blogs on the topic of fasting and the effect that it has had on you as a person. I think we all can learn from each other.

Thanks for listening. Until next time.